Monday, 15 July 2013

You Married Her

I have finally put my finger on what's been troubling me about some of the commentators and even posts at Dalrock, Rational Male and other such blogs. These guys are blaming the women. They are blaming feminism. They are blaming Ben Bernanke, the Family Courts, female HR drones, Barak Obama, welfare, socialism, the tax system, fault-free divorce, Sex And The City… everything and everyone, in fact, except... oh, themselves. These guys never blame themselves.

In AA the drunk hears very early that the only person who got him drunk was himself. Nobody held him down and poured the drink down his throat. He was the one walking into bars, ordering booze and tipping the stuff down his throat. Nobody kidnapped him, chained him to a barstool and threatened to kill him if he didn't put a half-dozen beer-and-whisky chasers down. He is responsible for getting drunk, not the barman, the brewery, the advertising agency or the guy who built the factory where they make the stuff. Not others, him. End. Of. Story. Recovery concentrates less on why he turned into a useless drunk and more on how to get back to being a useful member of society. How does the drunk live sober, one day at a time? Identifying his fears, resentments, shortcomings and needs to make amends, accepting the responsibility for his screw-up, are all part of the Steps.

Like the joke goes "You married her". Oh yes they did. They picked her out, they asked her, and they signed on the dotted line. And then they tell us that she fooled them by acting sane and sexy during courtship, then flipped to a Borderline sexless nightmare the day after sobering up after the wedding reception. I've met enough crazy women in the rooms, and in real life, and they give themselves away as entitled / crazy / selfish / manipulative / otherwise undesirable within about an hour. (The Catch-22 here is that you shouldn't get married before you've got enough experience to spot the danger signs, but when you have got enough experience to spot the bad 'uns, you won't want to get married.)

Saying that those guys have some blame to accept is not saying they have to accept all the blame. I am not for one moment running the line that women's behaviour is just something that we have to live with - indeed the MGTOW point is exactly that we don't have to live with it, and the PUA point is that even if we do live with it, we should exploit it. Women are human beings, not squirrels, and are subject to the same moral and personal standards that men are: they don't get a pass for anything at any time "because boobies". Shit-testing would be boorish from a man, and it's boorish from a woman: it has nothing to do with hypergamy and everything to do with bad manners. Women do random behaviour and moods because they have been told by the culture that it's okay to do so. All the stories the evo-psycho crowd tell to "explain" women's behaviour are irrelevant because unlike squirrels, men and women have free will, and so what they do is a choice for which they are responsible. Western women who behave badly do so from choice, and they have endless role models, from Eastenders to Jane Austen, to show them how.

Those complaining Manosphere guys at Rational Male and Dalrock married the woman. But they won't take the responsibility for that decision. They won't accept their part in it, which was... whatever it was: a lousy judge of character, blinded by sexual desire, mindlessly following social conventions and outdated ideas of what "men" do, whatever. Until they do, they aren't going to sort themselves out as individuals. Sure, their wives were awful people for whatever reason, but that's her half of the story. The other half is his part. He married her. 

No comments:

Post a Comment