Thursday, 16 January 2014

Instead of Approaching

When I think of my own stats - such as they are - I get this:

Highest Lay Rate: when approached by girls on holiday / weekends away / house parties
Lowest Lay Rate: when cold approaching girls in conventional day/night game situations
Medium Lay Rate: with girls met at house parties or similar "it's time-out" situations

There are two things at work here: a) the girl's state of mind, b) the circumstances. Take a girl away from the high levels of social control imposed by the presence of her friends, and relieve her of the need to numb herself for work and the daily round, put her in a situation where she can act as an independent person, and guess what? She behaves like an adult. (Then, of course, it does help if she's decided you'll do before you've even opened your mouth. Girls are visual too - they just know they can score points by saying they aren't.)

House parties and other "time-out" situations ease the social control a bit, though who's heart hasn't sunk on hearing the phrase "I'm here with my friends". A dinner party isn't a house party: one whole point of a dinner party is the observance of all sorts of social conventions, one of which is "no making out with guests you haven't me before". You can, however, make a date. The advantage of house and dinner parties is that you are supposed to be talking to everyone, you have social qualification just by being there and there's no pressure to number close in five minutes - you have all evening. You have a chance to get over unfortunate first impressions... all sorts of things. It's still Game, but it's way less brutal than cold approaches.

And then there's another thing. I wasn't looking for one-night stands. I had a fair few of those and a fine way of passing the night it is too. I wasn't looking for MTRs (three weeks to nine months) either, but I had a few. But here's the point: given an exclusive choice at the same (say) dinner party between a one-night stand and a potential MTR, the smart move is to invest in the MTR. The one-night stand just leaves you back where you started after breakfast the next day. The MTR meets your needs for a couple of months. And roughly speaking, the less social control there is when you meet, the more likely it's going to be a one-night (or one-holiday) stand, whereas the more social control, the more it may turn into an MTR. Game is still essential to convert the opportunities into Lays or MTR's.

This is how regular people find sexual partners. The smart ones follow the Rule of Three: unless the first one you meet really is a gift from heaven, pass, and take the next one better than the first. There's statistical reasons why that's a good rule, and most men aren't going to have the time or opportunity to meet more than three women in their twenties. So the smart ones get married or co-habit, and think themselves lucky. Most of the rest take what they can get. Some are bachelors and stay true to their birthright.

Leave it too late, or don't have enough of a social life, and wind up with the problem of what happens when the supply of dinner parties, house parties, holidays and weekends away dries up? What happens, in other words, when "all my friends get married" (or live together)? What happens is that you start thinking about Internet dating, speed dating, evening classes, and all the other silly things smug marrieds suggest, all the while thinking "there's a reason you're thirty-something and single".

There is. If you're thirty-something and single, you didn't want to get married. And if you've been living in your own digs for more than two years and not going barmy, you don't want to "share your life" with anyone either. Which leaves you with the problem of sexual company: because being a chaste thirty-something is pretty horrible. And that is all about logistics. If you're thirty and single, where exactly in Halifax are you going to find a partner?

You're not. Krauser can't guarantee to find one on any given day, and he's fishing in the the girl-packed waters of Oxford Street. And, by the way, if you meet anyone who tells you that "you can always find a woman, you just have to know where to go", ask them where you go. They won't have an answer. No-one does.

And we haven't even begun to talk about money yet. 'Cause getting laid for free, ain't free. But that's another post.

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