Thursday, 23 July 2015

What do you do to justify yourself to yourself?

Once again another posting day comes round and I don’t have anything polished and ready. I have draft stuff up the wazoo, a lot of which I don’t really want to use. Plus having wire and plastic in my mouth that cause me to salivate non-stop is maybe more of a distraction that I think.

The last few weeks I’ve commented at Captain Capitalism, Rollo Tomassi and The Private Man about their MGTOW-bashing. There are, I have allowed, a number of whiny young men giving the term a bad name, but then there are a number of whiny men giving any term a bad name, including “husband” and “father”.

Some men make the decision to live on their own, or perhaps with rotating male lodgers to help with the rent, but in any case, not to have women staying in their quarters for more than a night or so. These men can and do have affairs, girlfriends, mistresses and other assorted relationships with women. They just don’t let her get squatting rights. Not because of the horrible legal situation they could be in if she does, but because, when they come home at the end of the day, some peace, solitude and space to unwind is frankly more valuable and reviving than a hug.

“Bachelors” doesn’t do it, because a lot of men who decide they want female-free quarters are divorced. And bachelors are simply men who haven’t been married - yet. Not men who have decided that they don’t want to be married. (“Married” = “Live-in partner”.) MGTOW is a horrible brand, but I’ve been surprised at how many men, married or single, latch on to the “Going His / Their Own Way” bit. What they identify with is living on their terms rather than living in a perpetual negotiation over whatever their partner decides is up for negotiation now. Or, of course, living on the terms dictated by their partner and children.

These men don’t want to live with a woman. They want the woman to live with them.

More than decent branding, we need a way of talking about the single life, its advantages and opportunities, that isn’t a series of negatives, that isn’t a list of the things about marriage that men tolerate, that isn’t about avoiding the downside of women. How do we move from this endless cataloguing of the flaws and faults of the current exact condition of gender relations in this moment of post-modern capitalism, to a pro-active statement of positive living for men that puts us at the centre? This means we have to stop thinking about women and start thinking about how our lives could have meaning without women or children. Imagine you can’t have children, and can’t have sustained relationships with women. Other people will provide the new workers: you don’t have to. And you and your offspring will be killed if you do. Now what do you do to justify yourself to yourself?

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