Blaaahhhhh

There's a feeling we ACoA's have: there's no point in going away because you have to come back to exactly what you left. That's what I felt today, first day back after a two-week holiday. It hit me like a brick wall at half-past three and I spent a long while deciding I'd go to a movie after work, naaahhh, I'd go home, naaaahhh, I'd go to a meeting, naaahhh, I'd go home, and so on round in circles. I ate a chocolate brownie at tea-time for God's sake. I never do that. Almost never do that. The grey skies and drizzle didn't help much either. Nothing had changed at work, but I'd become sensitive to it. I can tolerate the place, especially when I think of the hours, the location and the fact that I don't work too hard for the money.

(Sandbachs, Poole, Olympus OM10 (I think))

But I don't really want to be there. People show up at my desk and have conversations with me and I know I've talked to them before but I have no idea who they are, what they do and as for names? It's not just me: others feel the same. I just take it to an extreme. When I know where I want to be, really want to be this time, not just “anywhere-but-not-here”, then I'm going to do whatever it takes. As it was, I did what a good alkie should do and went to a six o'clock meeting nearby. I shared exactly this stuff and started to understand what I was feeling. As a result, I started to feel better. Tomorrow, I get my act back together. Now, if only this craving for chocolate would go away.