Monday 3 January 2011

New Year's Resolutions

"January First. I gotta get in shape. Too much sitting has ruined my body. Too much abuse has gone on for too long. From now on there will be 50 pushups each morning, 50 pullups. There will be no more chocolate, no more bad food, no more destroyers of my body. From now on will be total organization. Every muscle must be tight." (Paul Schrader, Taxi Driver)

Okay. I'm not going to go all Travis Bickle on London, but in 2011 I will...

1. go to the gym every weekday - unless I'm going to a movie or the theatre
1a. reduce my weight to 87 kgs
1b. keep my body-fat below 26%
1c. do 29 - 38 pushups in one test event
1d. do 38 - 47 situps in one test event
1e. run 2 miles (3.2 k) between 17:12 and 18:30 in one test event
2. not eat chocolate late in the evening
3. take two week-long holidays abroad and at least two city breaks in Europe
4. read all the books I've bought and haven't read yet
5. not go home on the Chav Express more than twice a week
6. progress project Coriander (you're not supposed to know what that means yet)
7. continue to decorate my house
8. take some photographs with my new medium-format Lomo (!)
9. stop thinking I'm getting old and should withdraw from living
10. err.... that's it

These are, of course, all things I haven't done this year because I

1. didn't belong to a gym...
1a. got terrible constipation the when I weighed 89 kgs eighteen months ago
1b. have a body fat of 26% now - which means I'm going to have to lose muscle as well as fat
1c - e: didn't realise that doing these would score me between 70 and 80 in the US Army fitness standard for my age
2. have poor self-control and kept getting Emotions - which need chocolate therapy
3. didn't feel like going abroad on my own at huge expense when I could be on my own here on the cheap
4. kept buying more books
5. suffer from the timing of the trains
6. didn't have the focus or probably the courage
7. couldn't find the energy, creativity and organisation at the weekend
8. didn't have a Lomo
9. was obsessed with being over fifty-five and invisible
10. ....

Therefore I may need to...

1. get some "professional" guidance and support
2a. try to make my diet tasty
2b. not stay up too late, which is when I start craving chocolate
2c. nah, I have no idea what to do about having Emotions
3. think positive thoughts about holidays
6. feel the fear and do it anyway
9. work out what I want from "social life" and then go find it
10. err....

I know, the usual stuff. But this time I mean it. Really. Honestly.

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