Friday, 19 February 2016

And next up… a health report

I spent eighteen (18) hours asleep on Thursday. My Fitbit said so. I would sleep for maybe seventy or eighty minutes, sit on the side of my bed, get up by leaning against the wall, walk very carefully to the loo where I got rid of some water from one end and took some more on at the other. A very little bit more. I didn’t eat a thing. I had no appetite. I did not even want to get out of bed.

That was after taking Wednesday off because I had a fever and I couldn’t actually walk upstairs, but had to crawl on my hands and feet, and then grasp the balustrade as I got to the top. Still had to do that this morning, but managed to get out to Richmond for some lunch and to stock up on cough syrup and Lemsip. You would be amazed how few cough syrups are actually alcohol- or ethanol-free. I made it back just in time to lay on the couch for a rest. When my blood pressure drops so much that if I sit up too quickly I get very dizzy. I haven’t even eaten any chocolate, though I did have a Cote Creme Caramel.

(You don't eat this if your digestion is gippy)

If I spend an entire day in bed, it’s almost always because I’m recovering from food poisoning, but it wasn’t that. All I was doing on Tuesday afternoon was coughing slightly. I went to the gym and everything. Then at midnight I woke up and, looked at the clock and realised I wasn’t going anywhere for at least a couple of days. Hot, headachy and fever-dreams, you know, obsessional and meaningless.

It’s half-term. There were children on the train. It was also (effing) cold, so my immune system could have been operating at less than 100%. I blame the parents: they should have had the little darlings back home, eating tea and watching Blue Peter by the time I got anywhere near a train. And the railway companies should spray all their evening trains with some nasty chemical that kills all known germs and viruses before we grown-ups get on. I have no idea what Vladimir Putin has infected your kids with this winter, but it’s a winner. Spray it over NATO forces, wait two days and he can take over Europe before lunch with a couple of divisions of marines.

When Donald Trump is President, there will be no more children on commuter trains. I bet Ivanka didn’t travel by train anywhere, anyday.

No comments:

Post a Comment