There are many reasons I'm glad I'm not a manager in a large British company. The fact I don't have to bullshit my staff is one of them. Bullshitting your people is as bad as lying to them and just like lying to them, it makes everyone hold each other and themselves in contempt. Everyone tells each other that of course they had no choice but to talk that nonsense: keepup morale, stamp out gossip, sing from the same hymn sheet – but of course they did have an alternative: the truth.
Our Director broke the news about last year's bonus payments: 2008 bonuses will be paid in three tranches of subordinated debt starting in June 2010. This applies to anyone earning over £40,000 a year or head office middle managers and above, not to the retail staff and sales people. Since the bonuses are never more than £2,000, this means those who get them will get their last £700 in 2012, when it will be worth 15% less than it is now. And that's the debt instrument they'll get from 2010 to 2012, not the cash.
Hello? Subordinated debt? For four-figure bonuses? Did no-one hear themselves saying this and stop to wonder how silly it sounded?
He “delivered the message” because he's a pro and the message wasn't worthy of his delivery. It was twaddle about how the public thought bankers shouldn't be getting bonuses and this was responsible governance. Let's stay focused on the customer, it's really business as usual, we carry on with our day jobs and try not to let the Press and the rumours distract us from achieving our H1 objectives.
The truth is that the public know the difference between an ordinary mortgage-ridden middle-manager and a six-figure salary trader or seven-figure bonus Board member.
Why did the company do it? Never try to figure out why people do dumb things – you're trying to make sense where there is none.
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