Guitar Humility

For reasons to do with me mentioning it, my tutor looked up Joni Mitchell’s Coyote on YT. Within a verse, he detected the down-tuned low-E string (to C), and had picked up the chords. I still have fumble-fingers making a C6/9 and would never have picked up the detuned E-string.

It’s one thing to know about (say) perfect pitch and ear training, but it’s another to see it action and understand the ocean-sized gap between an amateur and a proper musician. An untrained ear condemns us to a lifetime of sight-reading or tab.

Learning the major scales, modes, and even harmonic minors, octotonic and other weird stuff, is actually fairly simple as long as you can handle doing repetitive exercises. After that, finding the key a song is in is a matter of quietly trying this or that note (starting with F♯ then B♭ to figure out which side of the circle of fifths the song is in, and going round that way) until it sounds right. Then jamming along with the track using pentatonics or a major scale is a fairly easy and pleasing experience.

An experience that requires almost no knowledge of chords or harmony, no ability to read tab or stave, and no idea what clever chords are being used. It’s like being able to make an omelet and bake a simple cake and thinking you’re a cook. Or being able to speak tourist Spanish.

Problem is, it gives you an entirely false idea of just how much you know.

I came away from the third lesson, during which we went through the chords of Autumn Leaves as an example of moving in fifths, usefully angry with myself. I thought I had been fumbling on the fretboard like some beginner, and it was inexcusable that I heard the phrase “E♭major 7th” and didn’t automatically make the required shape. I know the major 7th shape on those strings, but I couldn’t bring the knowledge to use. Not good enough.

Playing guitar is like speaking English. The basics are easy, and one can communicate well-enough in it and still speak it badly (unlike, say, French or Dutch), but advanced use takes a very long time, and most people never get that far.

Part of the hump is learning the fretboard. There is no equivalent for pianists: F♯ below middle C is in one and only one place, but on the guitar, it can be played on the third string fourth fret, fifth string ninth fret, and sixth string fourteenth fret. And yes, each one sounds slightly different, because physics (overtones). Same with the violin family. Learning the fretboard is nowhere near as easy as you think it is, and nobody knows why.

Chords are even worse, and it doesn’t help that a chord of N notes can have at least N different names depending on which one is treated as the root. (Classical harmony gets over this by defining the root as the note that would the lowest if the notes were re-arranged in ascending thirds (or nearest approximation). It also does not help that - aside from the sus chords (2 and 4) - there are no even-numbered notes in chords. Chord intervals go 1-9-3-11-5-13-7 (unless the 9 is a sus 2 or the 11 is a sus 4). Also 7’s are all minor unless announced as major, and a diminished 7th is a 6th, but not in a 5/6 chord or a 6-chord (which is not to be confused with a VI chord, of course).

So your tutor can say “Esus ♭ 6” and leave you wondering WTF? Whereas they mean A-minor, which is a reflex to shape at the first fret, because it’s a cowboy chord. Not that tutors would do that.

Oddly, realising just how low on the learning pole I am, has introduced a lump of realism to whatever the heck I think my goals are.