The Problems of High-Functioning People - Classification

(In the Wrestling Pigs post, I said that psychology as a therapeutic practice had been hi-jacked by an unholy trinity of the pharmaceutical industry, the budgetary constraints of the NHS, and a tendency to manipulative middle-class, liberal-feminist values, to the point where the appalling propaganda of the Lockdowns was considered to be a triumph of the art. Nothing so corrupt is worthy of philosophical analysis. However, my inner philosopher rebelled. This and the next post discuss some issues facing so-called "high-functioning" individuals, not the poor sods who are stuck on regimens of disgusting psychiatric drugs, and for people who can afford private therapy, not the poor sods being fobbed off with ten sessions of CBT to tick boxes and manage budgets.)

All of us have to deal with the insults and upsets of everyday life, from getting a bad cold to being laid off from work for no fault of one's own, from the kitchen misplacing our order to getting a parking fine, and from the irritation of not being able to find our keys to grieving for the loss of a loved one. Everyone reacts and recovers differently to these: some people can bear a grudge for a lifetime, and others seem to shrug off almost anything in a day.

These experiences are "everyday" because they can and do happen to everyone, involve no shame or guilt and so can be publicly admitted, the event is not usually directed at us because of who we are, have no significant lasting effects, the temporary effects are understood and allowed for by almost everyone.

Some people need to deal with the after-effects of an experience that leaves a permanent negative effect, or an effect which is not understood or allowed for by others, and which may have been directed at us because of some aspect of our character, and have likely resulted in possibly undeserved shame or guilt. Amongst the obvious ones are divorce, being laid off from work for no fault of one's own, or being bullied, abused, or stalked. There is the litany of faults of family and upbringing, or having a singular and shocking experience, or a consistent pattern of treatment which, taken individually may be bearable, but over a longer period is harmful.

Some people also need to deal with maladaptations and kinks. A maladaptation is a behaviour that "made sense at the time" to cope with a particular situation, but has been applied outside that situation or carried on past its time. The behaviour must have been reasonable and effective - given the resources available to the person at the time. A kink is a preference or ability that leads to behaviour that is uncommon, some of which may be socially unacceptable or otherwise dysfunctional, and the most obvious example are the addictions. (A trivial example is: just because you can crack your fingers, doesn't mean you should.)

The purpose of psychotherapeutic explanation is not to provide an explanation of why the patient is experiencing distress or reduced functioning. The truth is too complicated and rarely delivers the emotional satisfaction needed. Instead, it is to provide a story that helps the patient make sense of themselves, and especially to remove feelings that were put there by other people. (Too often that story is about mothers, as if fathers played no roles in their children's upbringing, and not often enough does it look at schools, peer groups, and the books, movies, stories, art and so on, the patient was exposed to.) If that story continues to make the patient make sense to themselves, then it is good enough.

Helping the patient make sense of themselves (these are the 40-somethings who say "I got this diagnosis and I'm so relieved") and to untangle twisted knots of emotion, lies, mis-direction and denial, are what television and movies would have us think are the basic tasks of psychotherapy. But the story-construction is only part of it, even though it may be so much that both patient and therapist fall down in exhaustion when it is done.

Living On The Fringe With Suzy Creemcheese

In case your Valley Girl decoder is a bit slow, here's the transcription:

Hello, teenage America,
My name is Suzy Creemcheese,
I'm Suzy Creemcheese because I've never worn fake eyelashes in my whole life
And I never made it on surfing set
And I never made it on beatnik set
And I couldn't cut the groupie set either
And, um...
Actually I really f****d up in Europe.
Now that I've done it all over and nobody else will accept me
I've come home to my Mothers

As a result of never having the experience of being part of a group (other than the group of people who don’t fit into groups, which doesn’t count) Suzy has the manner of those-who-never-belonged. This is recognised at an intuitive level by those-who-are-acceptable, so later in life she will not be invited to join any of the scenes ("there's always a scene, and it's always by invitation only") and so will have the feeling that real life is going on out there, and she will only ever be on the fringes of it.

Fringe is where the Suzies of the world end up. Rock 'n roll is one such fringe, and far more nerdy than most people realise. Being the bookish girl, the movie buff, the guy who spends his spare time on bus journeys and train trips, the street photographer... these are other fringes. Some of the people doing those things can do those things with others, and there are clubs and associations as well - sometimes guarded by gatekeepers that make the school in-crowd look welcoming. Fringe people can even be married - you know, that quiet couple who keep to themselves.

If belonging-to-a-group is not what Suzy can do well, or at all, it's silly if not counter-productive, to base her future on trying to do it. Since the best defence is good offence, what Suzy needs are activities that keep her busy, solvent, fit, healthy, entertained and informed, and provide her with reasons to have self-respect.

Living on the fringe means dealing with higher-than-normal chances of disappointment, bitterness, depression, isolation and substance abuse. It means adopting the public mask of a normally-socialised person, who somehow always has a prior commitment when anything social is offered, especially at work. Choose the wrong behaviours and one can qualify for the diagnosis of a Schizoid Personality style, and if it hurts and hinders, the Disorder.

Suzy has to figure out how to manage her life so she does not fall into self-pity, anger, emptiness, bitterness, low morale, delusional fantasies, drunken stupors, drug use, retail therapy, and binge-watching TV series, or, for that matter, going from one therapist to the next, and from one social setting and one activity to the next, looking for that elusive feeling of belonging.

Living on the fringe means developing a life-style that works with or without others. Reading, movies, swimming, running, learning to play a musical instrument, solo competitive sports, training in the gym, learning to cook and source ingredients, painting, horse-riding, attending concerts and plays, photography, developing software, tending the garden... all sorts of things. Some of these are difficult to do within a normal domestic relationship, and almost impossible with children. Get a taste for any of them, and partners will need to be chosen to fit in with the interest, rather than interests fitting in with the partner.

Copes, Adaptations and Being Your Own Hazard

A couple of posts ago, I said I would subject you to thoughts on category theory, rather than witter on about psychology any more. I have been reading and thinking about category theory, but the psychology stuff wouldn't quite leave me alone. So bear with me through the next batch of posts. There's a theme.

A cope is what I do because the world around me sucks. A adaptation is what I do because I suck.

A cope does not change the suck in the world, but it attempts to change my behaviour or attitude, so I don't mind, or am less affected by, the suck. It is inherently sub-optimal.

Using "mindfulness" to cope with the stresses at work, instead of finding a new employer.

Buying own-brand because prices have gone up and your salary hasn't, is a cope.

Reading on the commute is a cope. See? I'm not really wasting my time.

An adaptation is something I do to modify my behaviour or attitudes so I don't do something dumb, offensive, pointless and expensive, harmful, or illegal, that I seem to be more-than-normally liable to doing.

Abstinence and one-day-at-a-time is an adaptation.

Things we do to get round problems with our bodies are adaptations. I have a hiatus hernia so I take Lanzoprosole. Using a wheelchair if you don't have lower limb use. Or wearing glasses. Or people with Type 2 Diabetes who manage their diet and exercise to keep their sugars in bounds. S**t happens, and we need to adapt.

Changes we make to live in a different culture than the one we grew up in are adaptations.

Eating fresh food, not drinking too much, staying away from drugs, and not buying things you don't need with money you don't have to impress people you don't care about... those are neither copes nor adaptations. It's sensible behaviour. Even if some people need to be reminded to do them.

Some people wind up managing what they do around one or more adaptations.

Recovering addicts or alcoholics. Or people with Autism or ADHD, who need to mask. Or people who watched the wrong video, found they had a kink they never previously knew about, and now have to live with the fact it's never going to be satisfied IRL. Or people who have to do certain exercises every day. Or people who need to play up-beat music on their way to work to manage their mood. Or people who are really awful judges of character, who need to be very careful about who to spend time with.

Having to keep up one or more adaptations, is similar to always needing to watch where you're going and who's around when you leave the house to go anywhere. (Realty check: paying attention when crossing a road is okay; needing to watch out for strange people lurking in shop doorways when walking home at night means you should change neighbourhoods.) Maybe we will see something that triggers us, or maybe we will stop keeping our digs clean and turning up to work on time.

The delightful thing about this, is that one is effectively on guard against a part of oneself. A little part of us is now the enemy. Nobody puts it like that, but it's one reason people who might benefit from a character adaptation resist it: they would rather stay flawed and whole.

John Mayer Explaining Why Tone Matters

 

Guitar makers sign guitar players, and PRS does it as well. Santana, Orianthi, a bunch of others, and this guy called John Mayer.

Yeah. I know. The newspapers get delivered late around here, and to be fair, his albums are mostly pop songs, which aren't my go-to. And he's dated Taylor Swift. (Wait. I think I may have dated Taylor Swift, let me check.)

What I didn't know was that he started out playing the blues, and his videos with BB King are a must-watch. He's shilling for PRS in this video, but don't be fooled - he's also playing some moments of serious guitar. 

And he's also articulate to a degree that many players aren't. There's a bit where he talks about how having the right tone makes playing a joy, so you go on playing. So true, and so hard to explain to non-guitarists. 

I have a PRS, the McCarty 594. Yes, the headstock does take a minute to get used to, as do the split humbuckers. But the light seven  pounds on my knee took exactly zero seconds to appreciate. 

The One With People Coming Out Of A Shadow Under A Bridge

Another street photography favourite, although the pros might have taken it more squarely. I like the way all the lines don't quite line up. And the red bit.